(This is offered by Janet Helmer, St Mark’s Parish Nurse – I’m posting on her behalf. BK)
While for some this is the “season to be merry,” in fact, for many-especially those coping with bereavement, illness or loss- the Christmas, New Year season can be particularly difficult. The celebrations of the season sometimes magnify challenging circumstances or significant losses. Significant occasions, such as birthdays and Christmas, are always difficult for a bereaved family.
Suggestions include:
- Deciding to ignore Christmas altogether could exacerbate your grief. However, depending on your family’s needs, you may wish to try something different this year – for example, if you’ve always had lunch at home, consider having it at a restaurant instead. Alternatively, sticking to your family’s traditions may be more helpful. The important thing is to discuss your preferences as a family.
- Expect and appreciate that people show their grief in different ways. One person may want to reminisce, while another may prefer to remain tight-lipped.
- If you feel you can, talk together about your loved one. Sharing memories and tears can help you come to terms with Christmas without them.
- You may like to spend some time alone so you can think about your loved one. Talking out loud to them or writing them a letter can be helpful.
- Don’t feel guilty if you find yourself having a good time – sharing a few laughs with family or friends doesn’t mean you don’t love or miss that special person.
- Ask friends for their support. If they don’t know how to help you, tell them.
- It might be beneficial to talk to someone neutral such as a bereavement counselor.
Looking back without joy
The close of another year often prompts people to reflect on their achievements – or disappointments – over the previous 12 months. Some people mourn the loss of another year of their lives. Suggestions include:
- Make a conscious effort to list all the positive things you did or experienced during the year.
- If possible, mend fences. Contact those people you miss and make steps towards reconciliation.
- Appreciate that your feelings may be due to a combination of Christmas-related factors including money worries, the pressure of last-minute shopping and unrealistic expectations of festive cheer. Remind yourself that many of these negative feelings will pass once the New Year is underway. Remember that most New Year’s Eve resolutions are unrealistic and made during times of sad reflection. This year, try to come up with positive and achievable goals for the upcoming 12 months.
Your parish nurse is here for you to talk with (613) 224-7431 or janet@stmarksottawa.ca
Excerpted from: http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Christmas_can_be_stressful